Batman and Robin (1997) - Movie Review

It's ironic really that one of the only Batman movies that doesn't feature the Joker is naught but a big joke - and whilst it has its moments; this is seriously disappointing stuff from the man who brought us The Lost Boys. Batman and Robin is laughably poor, and I mean that in the most literal sense imaginable. I honestly couldn't control my bursts of hysterics when it came to some of the cheesier and most cringe-worthy moments. I'm not going to lie, the cast is pretty solid, but they all seem as though they're in the complete wrong movie. Most of those actors in like an all-stars film or something, is something I'd be interested to see. I'll talk more about this later, but really the casting is one area that is a particular downfall as far as Batman movies go. Looking back on my list of pros and cons, I was hugely surprised by the incredible amount of positive things I had written down about this movie, considering my overall impressions. I knew I'd been writing them as I went a long, and so obviously wasn't completely keeping track of everything I put, because I was trying to concentrate on the film at the same time. It was only when I realised that at least five of my pros had the words 'Alicia' and 'Silverstone' in them, that it started making sense. In all fairness though, you can't blame me.

So the plotline. My question is: what plotline? There definitely is one, but it's so confused, random and complex that even I couldn't cope. I mean hell, I understood what was happening, but I didn't have a clue Why it was happening. It was all just a hapless mishmash of completely unrelated sub-plots that apparently are somehow connected; yet this is in the craziest, most non-sensical ways imaginable. Somehow every single one of these manic and ridiculous plot-threads is geniously interwoven. I have to say, the writer deserves props for that, because it would have taken either a total genius, or a complete off-the-wall, asylum-bound retard to piece the puzzle together quite the way they did. Then again, simply watching this film makes you feel like a complete off-the-wall, asylum-bound retard, so I guess in that respect it really does capture the true spirit of Batman.

Back on the subject of the cast, I think they could've done worse, but as I said, they don't really scream out BATMAAAAAAAN. George Clooney and Arnold Schwarzenegger are on usual ass-kicking meets great acting form; Chris O'Donnell plays the whiny little bitch well; Uma Thurman is a little over the top (I mean I know Poison Ivy is meant to be over the top, but in some places she just takes it a bit too far); and Alicia Silverstone is... Alicia Silverstone. Nuff said. However I did have some problems with the cast other than the Poison Ivy bit I mentioned: Commissioner Gordon just doesn't seem right;  Mr Freeze won't stop spouting one-liners and puns, which I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad one; and although George Clooney makes a decent Batman, some segments just take the 'family friendly' nature of the movie a bit too far, with such infamous moments as the bat credit card scene just being overly cheesy. I don't know/care who plays Bane, but the overall look, and performance just sucks. I'm just gonna lay it down, no fluff... it sucks. Although thankfully, this movie can say that it has John Glover in its cast (which it does), which, although his appearance is lamentably brief, is sort of a saving grace. Seeing Lionel Luthor (Smallville) in yet another comic related thing is awesome. Another thing that got me is: when did Barbara Gordon become Barbara Pennyworth?
 
That was my main problem with this movie: the sheer 'cheese factor'. Some of the fight-scenes were just far too badly done, although there is a fairly decent fight with Bane near the end. Most of the fighting just isn't that well choreographed in my opinion, and just enhances the overall cheesiness.One particular scene that really got to me was the one right at the beginning where Mr Freeze is stealing the diamond from the museum. The whole hockey thing. Just didn't impress me, and it really didn't give me a good impression of what was to come, although it does adequately set the tone for the rest of the movie. I must say Poison Ivy and Mr Freeze's escape from Arkham is fairly epic, and that part actually did impress me. Another thing that didn't though, were some of the sound effects. The cartoony *phwiiiiiing*, and such really don't fit with the rest of the movie, and the tone it's trying to set. I mean, as far as I'm aware, this movie is actually trying to take itself seriously - amazingly. So the cartoon style sound effects just don't work.

The music was decent, true Batman type stuff, although  Danny Elfman's scores will always take the forefront in my mind.

Overall, this movie was better than I'd expected. I'd heard some really awful things about it, and whereas it really is a poor piece of cinema, I don't quite think the hate is entirely warranted. Some parts of the story are actually pretty good, and the end is really quite touching... and then they ruin it by doing a slow-mo run with capes billowing in the wind. THE END WAS GOING SO WELL. I was like, thank God it's ditched what has been an ever present feature in this movie to revert to some traditional story-telling... oh no wait, Batman, Robin and Batgirl running, spotlit in slow-motion, their capes blowing behind them. What a way to spoil the end of a movie! Couldn't they have just rolled the freaking credits? Either way, this film is bad, but still not something that's complete bargain bin trash.

Ghostbusters (1984) - Movie Review

Ghostbusters is one of those all time classic movies that everybody should watch at least once in their life. You can't fault it, it's gone down in history as one of the greats, and it will remain there for as long as movies survive. It's just brilliant, from concept, to story, to performance, to special effects, to cast, to soundtrack; it just couldn't have gone any better. Let's start with the story:
Three scientists investigating the paranormal (parapsychologists) are thrown out of their space at the Columbia University, and lose all their grant money, and so decide to get back at them by creating their own business, hunting down and capturing ghosts, spooks, spectres and spirits that haven't quite crossed over to the other side, or have come back. What ensues is a hilarious, and highly original movie full of memorable characters, who all have their own unique personalities, but more on that later. If you're intellectual enough, and know your stuff when it comes to sci-fi movies, you can probably just about make sense of the story, but where it came from in the first place will be beyond even the most intelligent of people. *Warning, may contain some slight spoilers* Basically, a crazed architect designs a building as a cornucopia of evil, wherein the demonic demi-god Zuul possesses a woman and then goes around calling herself 'The Gatekeeper', and asking who 'The Keymaster' is. 'The Keymaster' is another similar demon called Vinz Clortho. Both demons speak of the coming of Gozer the Gozerian (a shape-shifting God from Sumerian mythology), and how all they need is a sign. When a pr*ck from the EPA comes and unwittingly releases all of the spirits the Ghostbusters strove to capture, wreaking havoc on the city, the demons see it as the sign they've been looking for, somehow manage to find each other, get it on on a rooftop, open a gateway to another dimension, summon Gozer, the Ghostbusters come to the rescue only to get pwned by Gozer, who asks if they're gods to which they reply no and then zaps them, and disappears and tells them to choose the form that Gozer the Traveller will come in, so they try to empty their minds and think of nothing, but somebody doesn't manage to and so a massive marshmallow man comes and destroys the city, only to be stopped by doing the very thing that they strove not to do throughout the rest of the movie.

And that's the simplified version of the story.

The thing is though, that you can get by with this movie, without even thinking about the story. It's so damned lovable that the plot-line only serves as a distraction for the people who've seen it all a hundred times over and want something extra. For those who do pay attention though, there's a thrilling and hugely exciting adventure to be had. It's fun, it's funny, it's quirky and it has one of the catchiest theme songs of all time.

The characters are what really make the story its own though. First off there's our trio of parapsychologists (to use the technical term): Egon, Ray, and Peter; Spengler, Stantz and Venkman; Harold Ramis, Dan Aykroyd and Bill Murray; absolute legends. These are the first three ghostbusters. You have Egon: the bookish one, very scientific, very knowledgeable. Then you have Ray: the one who's excited about his discoveries, a child at heart who loves seeing the ghosts and has almost a geeky obsession over them. Then there's my favourite, Venkman (nobody calls him Peter apart from occasionally Ray and Egon): he's the sarcastic one, the ladies' man, and the one that you can always count on to crack a joke when the atmosphere is tense. Then there's Winston Zeddmore (Ernie Hudson): the fourth ghostbuster who applies for a cool way to make money. And man I can't think of many cooler ways to make money than what these guys get up to. Obviously there are the things I'm actually considering as a career, but fiction always has the edge. Anyway, Winston is your average Joe, only more awesome. He's a Christian, and half the time he doesn't believe his eyes, but at the end of the day, he's the perfect addition to the team, and he even has the balls to swear at the mayor, at a point not long after Venkman completely owned Peck, making it one of the funniest scenes of the movie. What he says isn't even really that amusing - it's the audacity; he's ballsy and he's got plenty of guts and heart where it's needed.

Then you have the rest of the cast, and they're all pretty spectacular. First off you have Dana Barret played by Sigourney Weaver, who'll be better known to today's generation as Dr Augustine in James Cameron's Avatar. She's the girl that Dr Venkman takes a particular interest in, and makes more of an effort to solve her case than any other. She's your typical damsel in distress, who takes a not-so-typical turn later in the movie, and she performs brilliantly.

Next there's Louis Tully (Rick Moranis - Little Shop of Horrors, The Flintstones, Honey I Shrunk the Kids), he's an accountant, and a keep healthy junkie. He always keeps supplies of vitamins and mineral water, which he buys in a way that makes good financial sense. He's also hopelessly head-over-heels in love with Dana, and so sees himself as in competition with Dr Venkman. He's an accountant, so everything he says is some sort of reference to making/saving money, and he's very funny. Whilst only a peripheral character, he does play his part very well.

Then there's Walter Peck (William Atherton), he's the afforementioned pr*ck. The thing is, I really don't know what to say about this guy. I mean, I hate him. Yet really, that's what he's meant to do: make you hate him. He's the guy you're meant to hate, so in that respect, I love him, and think he's done a great job... but I really can't STAND him.

The special effects in this movie are mind blowing, and you can tell that (for the time), they were very cutting edge, and a lot of work must have gone into them. From the blast streams bursting out of the Neutrona Wands, to the Capture cages, reeling in Slimer and all the other nasties, to Slimer and all the other nasties themselves. It's all very well done, and it all just adds to the overall atmosphere. Especially right at the beginning where the drawers are opening by themselves, and then the papers are flying out all over the place. It's just all, truly magnificent.

Ah, the music - the music. Obviously there's the soundtrack, with the title theme by Ray Parker Jr., which absolutely kicks-ass. The soundtracks on 80s movies always seem to be pretty damn epic, and this one is definitely no exception. I love it, it's packed with catchy numbers, and awesome 80s-style rock tunes, that all compliment the action perfectly. Then there's the score. It's slow and beautiful one moment, then upbeat and catchy and then practically non-existent to truly capture the sense of atmosphere - all within a few minutes. There's one particular piece near the end when they're on the rooftop and *maybe spoiler?* they've just saved the world *end potential spoiler, although it wasn't really that major anyway*, which for some reason really reminds me of the Gusty Garden theme from Super Mario Galaxy. That's probably just me though.

Overall, Ghostbusters is (like I said in the introduction), just one of those films that everybody has to watch at least once. It's awesome, and it really has aged well. You can't fault it, it is completely, and utterly incredible, and I recommend that every single person who has just sat and read this review should go and watch it right now whether you've seen it already or not. I mean it. RIGHT NOW. What are you still doing here? GO! Anyhoo, that's all from me, so I'll catch you all on the flip side.

Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery (1997) - Movie Review

Austin Powers is one of those movies that definitely isn't for everyone; however, everybody that this movie will appeal to, will absolutely love it. I'd say it's like Marmite in that you either love it, or you hate it, but not everybody is entirely partial or impartial to Marmite in spite of what the adverts tell you, and even if they were, it's a ridiculously over-used phrase. Austin Powers is a comedy - a spoof, a parody - and everything it does, it sets out to intentionally rip the crap out of. It's a movie that never takes itself seriously, and knows how to laugh at itself - and other people in the ridiculous amount of genres and movies it parodies.

It's a spy movie, an action movie, a fighting movie, a romantic movie, a retro movie and a psychedelic, shagadelic thrill ride. You'd probably have to sit and watch it a fair few times, scrupulously taking notes, in order to compile a list of everything this movie makes a mockery of, and everything it is; but you'd feel like you'd accomplished something afterwards. Although maybe that something will be losing the ability to walk from laughing so bloody hard at all those gags that never get old, so maybe it's not a wise idea. But from a dental floss imitation of Indiana Jones; to a reference to Empire Strikes Back; to the overall James Bond type theme, it's very appreciative of other movies, whilst at the same time being something new.

This movie is funny from start to finish - even the bits where it's touching on the more delicate side of the story (and these segments are few and far between - you could argue if at all), it's done in such a way that you can't help but chuckle. However despite this fact, there were only a few moments that made me genuinely explode with laughter. One of which was my particular favourite, the toilet scene with the Texan and the Irish assassin. Pure unadulterated brilliance. This is the only one that immediately springs to mind, however in my opinion it's good enough to be like a stand-alone review for the film. Watch this scene and it'll give you an overall impression of the entire movie. Which you know may not be your cup of tea, and if it isn't (or you don't at the very least giggle a little bit) I can't really recommend this movie to you. Also you may want to consider whether or not you have a sense of humour, and if you do, just how dry it is. Yet we're straying from the point, and the point is that the gags are excellent. Some of them I'm not sure whether this movie invented, or whether they're cliched and Austin Powers has just put its own spin on it (I'm new to a lot of movies, especially the older ones, and to the magical land of film critics, but nonetheless, it's bound to have you in stitches. One thing about some of the gags though is that they could have gone in a completely different direction. Basically the whole film would've fallen apart. If it wasn't executed properly, it could have all seemed crass, and a contrived, failed attempt at glorifying toilet meets slightly more adult humour. However it didn't turn out like that, because it was all acted out brilliantly, nay, groovily.

Mike Myers is the star of the show, acting as Mr Austin 'Danger' Powers, and yes Swedish-Made Penis Enlargers are his bag... in the movie at least. Mike Myers will be more well known to kids, and probably adults who indulge in newer movies as Shrek in the Shrek quartet, or the Cat in the Hat in the 2003 film The Cat in the Hat, and thanks to the wonders of IMDB I can also tell you that he was in Inglorious Basterds which I have not yet seen, so how big/small a part he played is unknown to me. What didn't know though, until IMDB alerted me to the fact, was that Mike also played the part of arch-nemesis: Dr Evil. How I could have missed out on something like that I'm not entirely sure, but I did, which is shocking. The thing is that he acted it so well, that I was so busy laughing at his characters, that I didn't realise they were both him! And if I hadn't realised they were both him, I would've given props to 'the actor who played him', but the fact that they're both the same person actually highly increased my already large quota of respect for him.

Elizabeth Hurley's character (Vanessa Kensington) grows, from a sophisticated, no-nonsense kind of girl who doesn't understand Austin's 'sex appeal'... or his teeth; to a fun-loving yet still sophisticated femme fatale. It's fun watching the transformation, and how Austin eventually grows on her.

The other characters are all spectacular too, Michael York is hilariously posh; Mimi Rogers (however brief her appearance), was a key influence on the story; Robert Wagner, plays his part brilliantly, and his character is a good one; Seth Green is as funny as ever; Fabiana Udenio is the marvelous Alotta Fagina. I mean come on. Just read her name, and think about how this excellent movie could use it. Everybody contributes to make this film awesome. Heck, even Will Ferrell makes a cameo!

 The soundtrack is particularly groovy! Some of the songs are hilarious, and it almost seems as though half of them were written specifically for the film (although most of them probably were, like I said I'm new to this stuff), and they always seem to add to the overall atmosphere, which makes you laugh even harder. They couldn't have picked a better soundtrack.

Overall this movie is excellent, and very, very funny to anyone (apart from the aforementioned people with seriously dry senses of humour) and it's perfect for an hour and a half of laughs. If you're in a serious mood, and want to watch something with a deep involving storyline, stay well away until another day; but if you just want a laugh, or cheering up, or your bored and need something amusing to happen, you could do far worse than popping this in.

An Analytical Epiphany

What a strange title eh? I mean, how often do you read a 13 year old's blog that is, at the very least, coherent enough to warrant an attempt at reading it? How many of those 13 year old's have epiphanies? How many of those 13 year old's decide to blog about those epiphanies? How many of these epiphanies are of an analytical nature? OK, I'm straying from the entire point of this blog, but nonetheless, I thought my writing on an epiphany I had last Saturday was as strange as it was necessary, and therefore this pointless and convoluted introduction seems somehow to make sense within the bizarre confines of my mind.

So onto the actual epiphany, and the purpose of this blog:
I woke up, Saturday morning and lay there gazing at the ceiling, too ill to go out for my paper round, and too lazy to get up. I lay and thought: 'What to do today?" I could read. I could write. I could play video games. Yeah... video games: let's do that; but then my mind turned to the mountain of homework I had probably amassed somewhere along the line and completely forgotten about. Then it all came back to me. All the homework I had to do. 'Crap,' I thought, 'There's no way that's getting done today!'

And so it was decided. That's what I'm doing today: homework. So, still not bothering to get up, I lay there thinking about what needed to be done, and how I could make it that extra bit special - something I always seem to want to do, go that extra mile, especially when it's last minute. I came up with a myriad great ideas for one particular piece, and thought 'yeah, this is gonna be good'. I couldn't stop a manic grin from spreading across my face. Or at least I couldn't, until I realised something. 'Hold on, this homework is due on Monday.' That gave me two days. Then add to that the fact that on Sunday I would be at stage school, and then visiting relatives, that left me with a day. A day to complete an entire massive project, and about 3 or 4 other pieces of homework. Of course this was entirely my fault, for leaving everything until the last minute - as I do - but I couldn't help feeling that the fact that all of these awesome ideas came to me so late on in the process was a little unfair.

Yet it was this, that led me to thinking even more. I thought of even more great ideas for all of the homework I had to do, but given the extremely severe time restraints, I'd have to make do with the bare minimum. And it was all of this that led me to the big epiphany. A train of thought that combined with other trains of thought from the previous night that just spiralled and spiralled and spiralled until it created a crystal clear picture of me as a writer. I could see my errors. I could see how my writing as a whole - be it work, reviews, whatever - could be vastly improved upon. Things that had never made any sense, suddenly made sense.

The previous night, I'd been watching a ton of movie and game reviews, for inspiration on what to watch/play, and also for assistance with my own reviews, as it always helps to make yourself aware of the work of others involved in a similar field. Some call it plagiarism, yet lets be fair, what isn't plagiarised in one way or another? Nothing is truly original. Things always spawn from an idea, and an idea has to spawn from somewhere. The first few pages of 'Weaveworld' by Clive Barker give a very good explanation of this. Anyway, I'm straying from the point. I was watching a ton of reviews, and there was something about them which really spoke to me. The amount that some reviewers can draw on their past experiences is insane, and one in particular stood out to me. It was a review of the original 'Star Wars' trilogy, and it really surprised me, and enlightened me in many ways. It basically explained how whereas the universe these movies are set in is as original as it is unorthodox, the movies themselves are actually a mish-mash of some of the greatest movies of yesteryear. They base chunks on other movies, making 'Star Wars' into an amalgamation of some of the best bits, from some of the best movies of the time, meaning that this is actually the epitome of film - a walking bucket of awesome, with when you throw awesome stuff into it, it makes it even more awesome, so that it could not possibly be any more awesome if it tried.

What really amazed me though, was not just that what seemed to be such an original movie series is actually not as original as I expected; but how the people who realised what 'Star Wars' was made up of came to draw these conclusions. The juxtapositions, and the ways in which they recognise similarities is insane. I couldn't believe how much bits of these movies were related to completely unrelated movies, but how people actually realised this in the first place is astounding. The wealth of movie knowledge and trivia they must have stashed away in their brains is astonishing!

And it was this that brought me to my discoveries about my own work. I write a lot. This should be abundantly clear to any teachers and classmates that have read my schoolwork, the peoples of 'Gamespot', 'IGN' and possibly my dad's forum that have read some of my video game reviews GCSE level. Yet I complained. I was sure I was analysing. Why am I being marked so low?

Because i wasn't. I don't look into the details, I don't draw comparisons, I don't pick everything apart and look at all the tiny pieces from every possible angle. Whilst I'm told I'm good at what I do, I'm a one-trick pony (yes, that awful saying that they seriously over-use on 'Britain's Got Talent'). I seem to think that the fact that I write a lot, and that I'm capable of making videos gives me a great chance of getting wherever I want as far as this sort of thing is concerned. That my animations and videos impress people. Which they do, but it's growing stale. It's almost like I've made it into a cliche. Every time there's a piece of homework where such a thing is excusable, I create a video. People were really impressed, but now it's just something I always do, and other people are starting to learn how to do it too, so it isn't original and it isn't as amazing as it once was.

I need to think of ways to keep everything fresh. Think of new and exciting ways of doing things. Look at things from another perspective, or if possible, more than one. Try something out of the ordinary - at what point, making an animation for homework was unheard of, and garnered an unprecedented level of awe and respect, but now, everyone has come to expect it of me. The fact that I write in so much depth is no longer incredible, it's boring. That isn't to say that I won't write a lot any more, and I won't make any more videos - far from it - but it just means that if I am going to do more of the same, it needs to take a completely different angle. Everything will be heavily researched, and I will try to put as much effort in as possible, wherever it's practical, and I have the required amount of time. Who knows, maybe one day I may even stop leaving everything to the last minute. We'll see.

Once again, thank you for your time, and I hope that you learned something from this, as I definitely have, and hopefully in the future, the things I do will persistently amaze. So you'd all better prepare for the unorthodox, because I'm letting my extremely warped imagination loose. Stay tuned for reviews, stuff about stuff, and much much more completely bonkers yet well-written lunacy - see you on the flip side.